Herman Hires More Help

Herman, always busy trying to make it big, decided to hire an assistant for his next project. Doing interviews are difficult when you are a brain cell and nearly everything in the known universe is bigger than you are, even though you’re equipped with a new bionic body.

So Herman decided to forgo the typical interview process and started leaping from head to head, brain to brain, until he found another brain cell for his work. That’s how he ended up meeting Ooofen. Ooofen von Niederhammerichschtstein sen Hakatomishiken da Hoerth.

Ooofen impressed Herman with his acrobatic abilities – namely bouncing up and down for hours on end without the added benefit of having bionic legs. Or any legs. Whatsoever. After twelve hours of Ooofen’s jumping about, Herman hired him. For no reason. Whatsoever.

When Herman returned to his home (his host’s brain) and introduced Ooofen to Sherman, Sherman did what he always does, looks puzzled at Herman and shakes his head.

S: You “hired” Ooofen?

H: Yup. He’s amazing!

S: For what reason, exactly, did you hire him?

H: Um. I think it had to do with Sharpies and bouncing. I haven’t quite figured out my plan yet, but yup, it was definitely something to do with bouncing and Sharpies. Ooofen is an excellent bouncy-type brain cell.

O: Ha!

(boing)

H: See what I mean?

S: Yes. That’s really quite impressive, Ooofen.

O: Ha!

(boing)

H: Oh! I need to go order his bionic body. Just think of the heights he’ll reach then!

S: I’m sure they’ll be spectacular.

O: Ha!

(boing)

H: Maybe I should put in an extra large order of Sharpies this month. Hmm. Well, they won’t go to waste even if I can’t remember my uber plans to take over the world.

S: Don’t you think seventy cases of Sharpies a month is enough?

H: Are you trying to stifle my plans? My artistic abilities? You never want me to have any Sharpies. You’re so mean! And I bent over backwards to get you a bionic body!

O: Ha!

(boing)

S: Herman, I do appreciate the bionic body, however, I end up using it to clean up your “artistic abilities” after you’re done with your Sharpies. It took me four hours to clean our host’s Playstation 3. It was pink, Herman. PINK! She hates pink. If she would have walked in and saw a pink Playstation 3, she would have caught onto your schemes and plans and probably kicked you out.

H: It wasn’t pink. It was red. It wasn’t my fault it faded so fast.

O: Ha!

(boing)

S: It was pink, Herman.

H: Pink is like red. Besides, it would have become a collector’s item once my artistry became known by the world. It could have been worth several millions of dollars. Or even pennies. Pennies are shiny. I like shiny things. Maybe I should have made it shiny pink red.

S: I don’t think that would have worked either. In any case, it’s late, I’m tired. Go take Ooofen to his new room.

O: Ha!

(boing)

H: Come with me, my friend. Mr. Ooofen von Niederhammerichschtstein sen Hakatomishiken da Hoerth, you and I are going to change the world! After we have a nap. And some tacos. Maybe some ice cream. Oh! A penny!

O: Ha!

(boing)