Herman and Tacos

In a world where every thing you can think of has some sort of activist group behind it, I, Herman BrainCell, have decided to take up the cause of tacos. For years, tacos have had to play catch up to the all important cheeseburger, and though I do love a good burger, tacos have rights too. And now we have all of these salad eaters who think tacos are of the devil. Seriously, if we were not meant to eat meat, God wouldn’t have given us the teeth of a carnivore. Well, given you teeth… since I’m a brain cell, I don’t have teeth. But if I were human, I’d have carnivore-ish teeth and would eat tacos. Not salads. Because I’d have teeth.

So let’s compare the popular (though I don’t know why) spinach with a taco.

Tacos are superior to spinach for many reasons. First, spinach is green. Green is the color of envy. Therefore, spinach is bad. Tacos, on the other hand, can have many colors, making them much more diverse and lovable.

Secondly, spinach tastes like… well, spinach. I can’t imagine anyone sitting down to a bowl of spinach and drooling over it. It’s like eating your house plant. Let’s throw some dressing on that philodendron and have it for dinner! Tacos, however, are drool-worthy. They have meat. Meat is good. Therefore, tacos are good. Ever try to barbeque a leaf? Doesn’t work. But throw a slab of meat on the grill and the neighbors try to steal it.

Of course, they might just be after your souped-up grill. I put a turbo charger on mine. Faster cooking that way. Painted it fire engine red. Or was it Porsche red? No. It’s just stainless steel. The extinguisher is red. Or it was until it fell off of the balcony into that dump truck. Not really sure what color it is now. Rust. Let’s say it’s rust-colored.

Thirdly, or C, spinach is just spinach. It’s a leaf. You can eat it raw or you can cook it. The possibilities are … well, there really aren’t many possibilities. Two, if I counted correctly. Tacos, however, are the epitome of possibilities. You can have a soft shell or a hard shell. It can be a warm shell or a cold shell. You can use beef or chicken or pork or, if you’re a sick human, fish. Fish are evil. But that’s a story for another time. You can also put all kinds of toppings on your taco. Lettuce, tomatoes, cheeses of all kinds, veggies of all kinds, or simply more beef. Add some sauce – again, the diversity of choices abounds – mild, medium, hot, scorching, and, my personal favorite, volcanic sunburst.

Lastly, tacos are superior to spinach because, seriously, look at how many people got sick and/or died from bad spinach. E.coli. Millions of thousands of people (and not too few pigs and cows) probably died because of bad spinach. Yet when I Googled “2010-2011 deaths from tacos” I got zero. There you have it. Spinach can kill you.

Tacos, the new meat.

Humbly submitted by Herman BrainCell, President and Founder of Tacos Are Cool-Oh (TACO).