2011 Books – Between a Heart and a Rock Place

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a fan of Pat Benatar’s. I have all of her albums (yes, the vinyl ones) and bought all of her CDs when those became the norm. I absolutely love this woman’s voice. I can’t think of any song of hers that I don’t like. Well, not off the top of my head anyway.

So a couple of months ago when I saw her autobiography in Borders, I grabbed it. Between a Heart and a Rock Place shows you little Patricia Andrzejewski from Brooklyn. She loved to paint her nails, play with dolls and then go out and play baseball with the boys. She was a tomboy, but not a typical one. And as her love of music developed, she decided she wanted to be in a band, not a solo artist, but more like Robert Plant in Led Zeppelin.

Right out of college she married Dennis Benatar instead of going to college. A mistake she recalls. The marriage didn’t last and as she landed her first recording contract, they divorced. She kept the name.

Pat talks about her close-knit family. How they lived together, with mom and dad each working so their kids could have more than they ever had. She talks about a high school teacher who noticed her voice and made sure the young girl got formal training.

Aside from working as a branch manager in a bank, Pat gave that up and worked at a diner. One minute she’d be waiting tables, the next she’d be on a little stage with her fellow co-workers doing a bit of a cabaret-style musical. She sang at weddings and every and any place she could get a gig. Finally she ended up back in New York and became a regular at Catch a Rising Star… and though it took a couple of years, she was soon signing her contract.

Then everything went nuts.

Her manager was the owner of Catch and had never managed a music act. He didn’t realize what the contract entailed. Pat didn’t even have a band yet and they were already pushing for the first album. And thus began her fight with record company execs.

Neil Giraldo was brought in to play guitar. From the moment she saw him she knew that he was “going to be the father of my children.” But when he sat to play at the piano, she wasn’t exactly blown away. Yes, he was good, but she needed a guitarist. She had a sound in her head and nothing the band was laying down fit what she heard in her head. Then Neil picked up a guitar and one chord later Pat knew this was her man.

Pat goes through their courtship and eventual marriage as she goes through the trials and frustrations with the music industry. Things from the small request as putting Neil down as a co-producer (denied even though Neil had pretty much produced the entire album) to taking out a full page ad and airbrushing Pat to look as if her upper body was nude and that she had substantial cleavage. When Pat saw the ad (in which she had no say) she said that she felt as if she’d been raped.

As her records sold millions and garnered her four Grammies and other countless music awards, the record company kept a tight leash on her. She was to produce one record every nine months, tour to promote it, endless interviews to promote it all while trying to write the songs. She talks about the lewdness of the advances she got from the music execs as well as the radio “jocks” who were worse.

But she had none of it. She’d tell them to f— off. Her “team” told her she couldn’t do that to the radio people. She didn’t stop. She fought tooth and nail until after ten years she was finally free to do what she wanted when she wanted. She didn’t have to dress like they wanted her to (she said she had made her image for the first album, but after that, she just wanted to be herself. When she tried to discard the spandex pants and tiny tops, the execs had a fit. She told them that she wasn’t a “boy toy” – a term Madonna called herself.)

There were other problems too:
-Cover art (she had virtually no say in what the album covers would look like – remember these were still the 12-inch vinyl albums).
-Ridiculous demands to tour, with a newborn, and create an album at the same time.
-Money (her pay was significantly less than a male in her position)
-Control over the material (she had no say as to what songs would be on the album or which ones would be released as singles)
-Control over her own time. They say jump, she had to jump.

She and Neil had married (both the courtship and marriage as denounced by the music execs saying it would be bad for her career, and at one point had actually driven the couple apart).

Finally she was free. Unlike musicians today (or even back then), Pat and Neil were smart with their money. They had a house in California and after several years of searching, found one in Hawaii in Hana where they had been married. She and Neil never got into drugs or drinking (a beer here and there and not much then). And both of them are described by others as just regular people. And they seem to be.

They had trouble trying to get pregnant, so their two daughters are nine years apart (there was one miscarriage as well). They work hard to keep their lives private and since there are no skeletons in the closet, the press generally leaves them alone.

They took the time to learn independent record making and now have their own label. They have complete control over everything. She puts out music when she feels like it, which seems to be about every 4-5 years now. She prefers being a mom to her two girls. Neil does a lot of composition work for movies and such. Occasionally goes off to play in his own little band or with others for a bigger concert. But he too likes being a stay at home dad.

One thing they do every summer is tour. Three months on the road (while the girls are out of school) they hit the buses and play much smaller venues than the 50,000 seat areas back when Hit Me with Your Best Shot was number 1. But they prefer the smaller venues. It gives them opportunity to talk to the audience. Get immediate feedback about a new song they’re trying out.

Pat is still very active in spreading the word about the dangers of child abuse. Her song “Hell is For Children” is played at every concert she plays at as a show of solidarity with these people and to let the abused know that there is someone who cares and who is trying to make a difference.

Having recently been asked to perform at Lilith Faire – a showcase of the wonderful music that women contribute to the culture. The had show opened 1997 and things were set in motion but due to her already packed summer schedule, she could only singe two nights. After her second night, Lilith Fair’s website said, “Pat Benatar rocked the house.”

Though not making the headlines as she once had done, her music has grown as she has had opportunity to sit and write without being under pressure to do something in a instant. She and Neil are still madly in love after all these years.

If you anyone even remotely considering getting into the music industry, and especially if they are females, the had better read this book first. It’ll open up your eyes to some very sad things that go on in our wold.

Pat Benatar was one gutsy lady. General Patton might have approved.