Herman and Sherman – The Quest for 2012

Herman: Sherman!!!!!

Sherman: Now what?

H: How do you spell toga?

S: T-o-… why?

H: I’m adding to my list of things we need when I become President.

S: Is this to go along with your purple contact-papered, jet-powered combine?

H: No silly. That’s mine. This list is what the entire country needs.

S: And you think we need togas?

H: Well, yeah. Gotta keep in shape you know. Well, not us because we have bionic bodies, but other people. They need to do more toga. Very relaxing from what I hear.

S: That’s yoga, Herman, not toga.

H: No. You eat yoga.

S: That’s yogurt, not yoga.

H: Are you sure?

S: Yes.

H: Okay (scribbles on his piece of paper). So, I need to abolish yogurt, not yoga. Make people do yoga, not toga. Then… wait, what’s a toga?

S: Like a robe.

H: Why?

S: Why? Why what?

H: Why would I like a robe? I just want to know what a toga is.

S: A toga is like a robe. Julius Caesar wore one.

H: Oh! Okay. So … who is Julius Caesar and have we invited him to my inauguration?

S: He’s dead, Herman.

H: SHERMAN! Don’t you be inviting dead people to my inauguration! I don’t need to be starting out with a scandal!

S: I didn’t invite him. Your dignity and honor are still intact.

H: Good. So should I have togas be mandatory?

S: No.

H: Okay. Crossing off toga. Now about global warming.

S: That’s quite a transition of topics.

H: I’m a well-rounded kinda brain cell. Now the way I see it, the planet is getting cooler or warmer. Therefore we need something to make it warmer or cooler. I’ve drawn up these blueprints for what I’m calling, the Big T.

S: Big T? I’m afraid to ask.

H: Don’t be. I don’t bite. At least I don’t think I do. Anyway, the Big-T is a thermos.

S: A thermos? And how is that going to impact the temperature of the planet?

H: I can’t believe I have to spell this out. Thermos, Sherman. Ther-mos. It insulates stuff.

S: So these blueprints are to build a thermos big enough to put the Earth inside of it?

H: Yeah. Duh!

S: Aside from the obvious flaw in your grand idea… how do you propose that things like sunlight would reach the planet if it were inside a big… red… bottle?

H: No idea. That’s what I’ll have my staff figure out. So add that to your list.

S: Right.

H: Also, I’ve noticed a serious lack of dragons on the planet. I’m going to add them to my endangered things list. SAVE THE DRAGONS!!!

S: Herman, there are no dragons.

H: What? I’m too late! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

S: I’m sorry, Herman. I think it was meant to be this way.

H: But I just ordered three million new spears and swords for my army of dragonslayers.

S: I thought you wanted to save the dragons, not slay them.

H: Yeah. See, we repopulate the Earth with dragons then my economic stimulus package will include hiring dragonslayers to kill them off again. Look at my chart. According to my calculations, with the treasure we rake in from those hidden dragon lairs, we can pay off the debt.

S: Your chart looks remarkably like your Sharpie slipped off the paper when you fell asleep.

H: It did. That’s the genius of it.

S: Well, Herman, keep up the good work. I think I’m going to go and check our host’s motor functions.

H: 2012 is ours! You can’t stop progress!

S: Indeed.